Yet is too late: Ellie Obi Didn’t Have To Die

“The courts knew he was dangerous. They just didn’t care because he hadn’t hurt Ellie yet. Yet is too late.” - Chrystal Obi

A victim of domestic violence is in the most danger while on the verge of freedom. After three years of legal hell, Ellie and Chrystal Obi were almost free. On Tuesday, they received permission to leave my uncle, Jared Lorenzo’s sphere of control and move back to Chrystal’s home state. That same day, Jared told a relative that he’d found a “loophole in the case” that would prevent them from going. By Friday, Ellie was dead.

Chrystal shared:

“We are all heartbroken at the loss of our sweet little Ellie. Ellie was stolen from me, her grandmother, and the rest of our family and friends in an evil and brutal manner. For years I feared constantly for Ellie’s wellbeing in the hands of her father, even with his limited access under shared custody. I wanted desperately for her constant supervision and worried for her safety each time she was with him for court ordered visitation. Yet the system continued to grand him partial custody and access.

Last Tuesday, I finally received confirmation that the courts would allow me to move with Ellie out of state, of which he became aware. On Thursday morning, I kissed my daughter goodbye at our home in Mountain View where she lived and attended preschool, and I said “I love you” as she left for court visitation with her father. But my daughter never returned.

Her father killed her and went to great lengths to cover up his crime by moving her to a different city, hiding her body in a bag inside a box inside a dumpster, and driving to another city to take his own life.

We are experiencing an unbearable pain and our grief is overwhelming. I will share more of my story after I have had time to mourn with my family. We humbly ask for privacy as we grieve the heartbreaking loss of our sweet Ellie.”

I feel disgusted to share blood with someone who could kill their own child. I hate that I ever looked at his face with love in my heart. Jared Lorenzo is the monster who keeps me up at night and the man who taught me how to use the swings. Both can be true. Both ARE true.

As I got older, I saw the cracks in his veneer, even feared for the life and safety of his child’s mother and jumped in to protect her. At one point I was his confidant, which you may find an odd role for a grown man to assign to his niece. But as we’ll get to later, my family has a history of inappropriate behavior when it comes to nieces. Daughters too.

I used that position to gather as much documentation of his alarming behavior as possible, recording phone calls and meticulously documenting his behavior. Chrystal and I met with domestic violence professionals and worked on safety planning. I unsuccessfully helped her get a restraining order against him and begged the courts not to let him have unsupervised visitation with Ellie. Although most of my family engaged in its typical pattern of male enabling, two other women stepped up against our culture of silence and to them I am grateful.

Still, I never imagined he would murder his own flesh and blood. Or maybe I just didn’t want to. Either way, that’s part of the problem. This happened and it can happen to you too. 

Jared’s choice was his choice, his evil actions ultimately unveiling his true self. But Ellie did not have to die and I refuse to accept that this outcome was inevitable.

I can’t go back. I can’t unshatter the pieces of her mother’s soul or ease my misplaced yet persistent sense of guilt. All I can do is share the signs and systems, both familial and legal, that failed Ellie leading up to her death, in the hopes that it could help even one more baby stay alive.

For now, this is all I can even say though. I wish I didn’t have to say anything at all.