The Family Group Chat: "Setting the truth free”
I didn't only notify the courts of Jared Huggins Lorenzo's behavior. I tried to get my family on board as well.
I wrote two letters. The first went to the court, and was posted below:
The second went to my family (excluding those who weren’t really in contact with Jared and those too young to understand the situation). I shared it on November 8, 2021, when Ellie was almost six months old. There were over 20 people in the group chat.
Other people in my family were getting calls from Jared saying all sorts of crazy things. That he thought Chrystal was poisoning him. That she was putting cameras in the walls. That she would hurt the baby. That she was out to get him. His claims didn’t hold up in a single one-on-one conversation with him, but hearing tidbits of the lunacy he shared from relative to relative was even more troubling. He wasn’t even consistent in his claims, contradicting himself left and right and swearing each person to secrecy so we couldn’t compare notes. They hadn’t reacted the same was as I had and being an outlier within a dysfunctional family system is scary.
By this point, interacting with the man had made me incredibly anxious. I knew he was triangulating family members and that Chrystal was not the only person he was smearing. On calls with me, there were other family members he lambasted as narcissistic and sadistic. He accused his siblings of all sorts of sick things, spurned by his fear that they hadn’t fallen in line and cut off Chrystal completely. Meanwhile I knew that I was the one who had helped her leave him.
As soon as I submitted my first letter to the court, I knew Jared had access to it and that terrified me. I had no idea how he would react. I feared violence against Chrystal, lashing out against the baby, or even him popping up at my house. I had no idea how the rest of my family would react either. We had been trained by our religion of origin to disown over less, but there are worse things you can do to a person than disown them.
I couldn’t sleep and I began having panic attacks again, though it had been years since that happened. I was so, so scared that the brunt of his ire over my betrayal would be redirected towards me, Chrystal, or Ellie in ways I couldn’t imagine.
I didn’t regret writing the letter, but you have to understand that I was a different person back then. This fight changed me. I grew up meek and shy, and though I have always been fiercely protective of those who were vulnerable, I lacked the confidence to stand up for my own self. Years of therapy had helped me to quell my panic attacks and social anxiety but my enmeshed and dysfunctional family dynamic affected me in ways I couldn’t even identify yet. Professionals wouldn’t fully identify it until they diagnosed me with C-PTSD two years later. In 2021 I still felt immense guilt over setting small boundaries and starting to live my own life. I felt like my own well-being was overridden by obligation, and I was unable to talk about things I’d experienced without worrying how it would affect the people listening.
In order to move forward, I had to come to the decision that if my family didn’t want anything to do with me after speaking up, I didn’t want anything to do with them. So I chose to go out on my own terms, just in case this was goodbye.
It wasn’t the most skillful method of raising the alarm, but I created the group chat “Setting The Truth Free” to get my perspective out there first before Jared could retaliate. I thought it might protect me in some way. There was already a family group chat, but I needed to make sure I couldn’t be removed. Chrystal had actually just been removed from it the day before.
I needed everyone to be aware of his mental state and why I’d made the decision to speak against him. I needed them to know everything, or at least what I had domain over sharing. It had taken me years to get to the point of being willing to blow it all up, but I understood that anyone else in the family with similar stories (or worse) was on their own journey.
I’ll be copying and pasting the text below for readability.
Hello.
Taking a deep breath as I write this, but here goes nothing.
This family has a sick history of sweeping bad behavior under the rug. Collectively, we’ve ignored blatant sexual predation and perversion and various other abuses in the name of maintaining the status quo.
Still, I have never been as disappointed in this family as I have been watching its enabling of Jared’s psychological and emotional abuse towards his wife.
None of you are stupid, though if you insist on feigning ignorance, I’m willing to label you as such at your own insistence.
Yes, undergoing training for domestic violence advocacy helped me suss out the correct label for the atrocious lies Jared has been spreading about his wife, and the premeditation required to first reach out to each of you and ask that you ignore her subsequent calls for help in finding clarity from his gaslighting.
Still, Jared has claimed that Chrystal is a malicious psychopath hellbent on sabotaging his career, spreading false accusations of abuse, and even poisoning him.
You can read further claims in my statement to the court, though there’s many more that you all can fill in the blanks on. The things you’ve been told, without finding the decency in your own heart to reach out to the vulnerable party in this scenario with support.
I’m honestly giving the benefit of the doubt to a couple of you in this group chat. Surely you don’t believe Jared’s claims that Chrystal has been slowly poisoning him, right? Right? Right???
If ignorance is bliss, gullibility must be an orgasm and a slice of pie. I just wouldn’t know myself, having at least a modicum of critical thinking capability.
I don’t usually insert myself into the personal business of married couples. So why am I doing this?
Why am I not burying my head in the sand or helplessly shaking my head from the sidelines at the destructive actions of yet another abusive Huggins?
I’m doing this for Ellie, who I name in singularity because Chrystal has made the difficult choice required to protect her daughter.
Whether or not this information protects YOUR children is honestly up to you.
By speaking out, Ellie will be protected from the erratic antics of her father, who is at best going through a drug addiction fueled psychosis and at worst, a narcissistic psychopath. She will in part be spared from Jared’s pathological and compulsive lying, and the very real repercussions he’s attempting to throw at her mother because he is a coward unable to accept responsibility for his own shortcomings. Maybe he wouldn’t be failing school if he wasn’t spending ten hours a day on the phone with you all in hopes of isolating his wife from social support and turning you against her.
By finally acknowledging it publicly, Ellie will be kept safe from [Redacted Uncle #1]’s incestuous eye. From all the reasons I never post in the family chat anyways, because I was willing to wait for him to die off before I ever did. The remarks he can’t wait to say about her body as soon as she is a little bit older. The invitations for her to watch pornography with him that he’s giddily waiting to extend. [Redacted Uncle #1] will never get the chance to lust over her body and tell her how much she looks like the type of woman he’s like to fuck.
For years, the girls in this family have been warned not to let [Redacted Uncle #1] get them in a room alone. Told this moments before their parents give him a big hug and a warm smile at the family function. It’s always struck me as odd, that such a burden could so easily be placed upon the shoulders of children. But I’m not a parent myself, so maybe I just don’t understand.
Is it worth the risk? Is there a thrill in gambling over whether or not the pants you told your daughter to put on since [Redacted Uncle #1] is coming over or the words of warning you whispered in her ear will be enough shield her from molestation?
By speaking out, Ellie will be shielded by [Redacted Uncle #2]’s predilections towards attempting sexual and romantic relations with his niece. Both the years of grooming and instant absolution of it all.
The next time you all get a phone call from Grandma saying [Redacted Uncle #2] is suicidal and begging you to tell him how much you love him, it won’t be because Ellie is in the position I was in. It won’t be because [Redacted Uncle #2]’s attempt to whisk her away and have his way with her failed, and now he needs your complacent tongue to help lick his wounds.
Finally, Ellie will not have to deal with the apathy, nonchalance, and/or lack of concern for her well-being that each of you has displayed in this situation.
To internally acknowledge that Jared is a liar, crazy, deranged, and so on, isn’t enough. To not even do that is truly pathetic.
For all of you being asked to write a character statement in support of Jared getting custody (even though he spent months telling me how much you all disgust him) feel free to check out mine as a reference.
For so long, I’ve sacrificed truth and transparency because I felt it a necessary measure to preserve our family; to love and be loved. But I’ve come to realize and be sickened by my own complacency.
If you want to ostracize me from your good graces for telling the truth, it’s to be expected and I accept it. But I refuse to ignore abuse any longer and I am so, so sorry I ever did.
Sincerely,
Zinnia
Then I attached my letter to the court. Though Jared himself wasn’t in the chat, the other two uncles I referenced were.
I braced myself as I went back and forth between wanting to bite the bullet and read what people were replying and wanting to throw my phone in the toilet so that I couldn’t.
Initial replies were mixed. There were calls to speak in person or on the phone and people who were confused because this was A LOT of information dropped on them on a random Monday. There were people who said we shouldn’t take sides, those that were upset, and those that thought this was an inappropriate conversation. One said:
We should stay out of it. Jared isn’t going to harm the baby. Ppl that are broken hearted behave and speak irrationally. Hopefully they will learn to coexist peacefully. We should support that. Zinnia, you need to excuse yourself from their business.
It’s now a chilling comment in retrospect.
I really appreciated the response from my aunt Jamie, so much so that I’m pasting it here. She said.
Well, certain members of this family have made their minds on where they stand... thank you for making yourselves known.
Zinnia, I believe you. It wasn't YOUR decision to be asked by [Redacted Uncle #1] if you wanted to view his porn collection when you visited him when you were a minor.
And it's not your fault that you were being groomed by [Redacted Uncle #2] and put in the most awkward situation between needing protection and protecting the predator.
The problem lies in those who don't take the "allegations" serious, turn a blind eye and finally, straight out call the innocent ones a liar. The problem is when family members see the pattern and do or at least say something about it.
Good for you Zinnia!!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 Hiding behind Bible verses get the innocent ones no where. We need to build up, encourage and make strong our innocent ones... so that it does not perpetuate to the next generation so forth. It STOPS HERE! #not Ellie
As for Jared, don't believe the hype, I saw right though the procrastination and excuses, he needed something and someone to blame for not doing well in business school. And, I hope y'all aren't giving him money, he has money, he drained his & Chrystal's bank account... we're talking upwards of thousands & thousands of dollars... gone! 💸 Plus charging whatever he wants on that Amex everyday, including 20K for his lawyer... Chrystal has to pay that back. She finally had to cut the card off. Jared, you are not homeless, you stay in the apartment Chrystal moved out of so that she can have some sense of peace. It's the psychological gaslighting for me. She pays on two apartments, aren't you driving the car her family gave you? What kind of man takes excess money he did not earn... it's taking food out of Ellie's mouth... not cool.
Yes, Jared loves his daughter, he takes pictures and videos for the 20min stints (on average) he spends with her... and posts it for... what? ... probably appearances is my guess.
Why would he buy outfits (when Ellie has mounds of clothes) on his last visit and take 6 different pictures with different outfits & toys at once. And of course take the outfits with him. When he videos [Redacted] with Ellie, she asks, "Jared" where are you?... Repeatedly. He says nothing, because he's in the lobby of the home he stays in, Chrystal pays for... is that a wife who wants to destroy you??
Is no one on this thread is interested in the mother of Ellie? The wife that took extreme care, covered Jared for years and in poor health. She looked after him when he had seizures.
Yes, a break up is painful, this is why someone needs to check up on our dear Jared. He is spiraling out, y'all can't even see it.
There was no plan to 5150 Jared or other people sharing their insight of his behavior, but it was better than I expected. I had done my part, and felt a weight lifted. The claims that myself and two other women in my family made against Jared in court were extremely serious. At the very least, I hoped that by sharing my statement, it would make anyone else in the family contemplating writing a supportive one for him think twice.
Then, early the next morning, [Redacted Uncle #2] responded and I lost my ever loving mind.
He started with a screenshot, showing an email that he had sent.
He went on to say:
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The short, most concise, response is: Zinnia, you have a new understanding as a counselor, which is great. While helping youths, you're reflecting on life experiences, making sense out of concepts in relation to your own family. From pages you've posted a picture forms of someone who's made tremendous strides and personal growth. I mean, that's just what seems evident.
With that, I could conclude. Below is additional information, if it matters:
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Do you want to have this discussion here? is the question. I have not been silent. Yesterday, when I saw I was included in the chatboard, and 12+ new messages on my phone, [Redacted] spoke with me, I text [Redacted], and one other family member, and called and eventually [Redacted] spoke with me. I asked if she would be willing to arrange an in-person meeting for me to listen and hear out Zinnia. I have comments to make, too, but I don't know if they're suited for the internet.
In our conversation, [Redacted] advised against posting, saying, "Stay out of it. Emotions are running high at the moment." In the conversation with [Redacted], I said, "Sounds like Zinnia has found her voice. I'm proud of her and hope the family, especially the women, give her love and support right now." [Redacted] said, "Don't post that. It sounds condescending." Later, [Redacted] cautioned me, "If you do reply, keep it brief."
I wasn't sure If I should comment until I had a chance to hear from you. Also I hesitated to type if people are looking to find fault with Jared (several issues seem open at once here). Jared has an upcoming trial. Maybe that's the best place for him to plead his case. I will not be injecting comments into custody proceedings between a married couple. If people here feel differently and want to align themselves one way or the other, that's a personal choice.
The attached image shows I sent a message at 7 am this morning, asking Zinnia, "Can I call you? A brief conversation. Would you pick up?" Nothing more. That's all I wrote.
I responded promptly to developments in this thread. And, hopefully, my remarks, phone conversations (and attempts to talk) convey compassion while respecting the dignity of all participants.
Seeing the man who had locked me in his room all those times as a child say he was proud of me for “finding my voice” shattered all lingering guilt and fear. I didn’t think, I just typed.
^ Here I had meant to say in between paragraphs that since my uncle was decades older than me, he should expect there to be a maturity gap between him and anyone my age he tried to date (including me 🤮) but that I was more mature than he would ever be. Like I said, I was seeing red and this well-reasoned point was a casualty of my rage.
Looking back, unleashing on [Redacted Uncle #2] might have been the proudest moment of my life. It was hard to recognize that in the moment though, as my burgeoning label as the family’s identified patient was officially solidified.
I’ve been very open with my struggles with Bipolar disorder and other mental health conditions. I’ve been in treatment for fourteen years and am an active participant in shaping said treatment. For me, mental health maintenance looks like taking my medication daily, being proactive in communicating with my psychiatrist about any changes that may need to be made, attending therapy, attending support groups, and practicing other health habits. I have no qualms about sharing my diagnosis because I want others to know that a life like mine, one of relative stability, is possible. When I was first diagnosed, I didn’t know it was.
I am nowhere near the only person in my family who has a mental health condition. On both sides of my family, anxiety, depression, and other conditions abound. Many, many of my relatives have attempted suicide and Jared’s not even my first uncle to kill himself by jumping off a building, which is actually pretty wild.
Still, it seemed as through mental health management was much more stigmatized in my family than showing clear signs of mental health distress. And so as family members began talking behind my back about my “outburst” and telling others not to listen to me because I “take medication,” I wish the conversation had been focused on Jared’s behavior instead of mine. Instead, he was written the very character letters that I’d tried so hard to prevent people from submitting to the court.
After the second set of messages, not everyone gave me the courtesy of talking about me behind my back. I was also screamed at and cussed out, partially for my choice of language, which was quite ironic. I was told horrible things about myself, that I was fucked up in the head. I was blamed for causing high blood pressure. Pre-existing high blood pressure, I might add. I was even blamed for potentially causing high blood pressure for people who didn’t have it and didn’t get it. I was blamed for relationships that I wasn’t a part of that deteriorated. For this person no longer speaking to that person. For that person no longer answering some other person’s texts.
With time, several relatives rallied around handling the issue of [Redacted Uncle #2]. There were confrontations, with him apparently crying on the floor and explaining that he had fallen in love with me. Then a few weeks later he started besmirching my name by telling family I had come onto him and lashed out when he rejected me. That crossed a new line and was not met with kindness. Shortly after, he stopped living in the room at my grandma’s house where he used to lock the door behind me.
She never spoke to me again, by the way.
I was less involved in whatever fallout occurred for [Redacted Uncle #1], as I’ve had no contact with the man in years. But later on a relative did bitterly spew their regret at me for cutting him off based on my words as they missed the relationship. I didn’t give a shit.
My goal all along was to protect Ellie. I said it over and over again throughout the letter, the initial one before rage took over and I veered left. Though I was angry, I was also filled with hope.
Growing up, I’d always been told I was misunderstanding things, reading into things. I’d learned to shut the fuck up because I watched others do the same. At family functions, molesters, abusers, victims, and those who knew of the horrors all mingled together faking smiles. And while the weight of it dragged me down, I was painted to be unreasonable for pointing it out.
I really thought this airing out might work, might make people come to their senses about Jared and the others like him.
“It’s a new era,” I had said. “See something, say something. Stop enabling. Protect others. Don’t let abusive, manipulative, twisted, demented, and/or behaviors run unchecked and rampant in this family any longer.”
It didn’t happen in my family, but maybe you can make it happen in yours.
I will leave you all with one final message for today, one I am so grateful to my aunt Jamie for sending in the group chat. She is one of the women whose strength has supported me through this whole process, from our fight to save Ellie to our loss of her.
Sometimes the truth is too much to face. Set it free.
The toxic part is when the innocent is expected to keep their mouth shut & sit still as the perpetrator outright gaslights you and pretend they have done no ill thing. The innocent is suppose to behave while everyone who knows the truth dances around the perp... keep the perp comfortable and respect the perp.
Good for you Zinnia for not letting anyone shit on you. 👍🏽. #not today 😁 you are a beautiful soul, no longer should you quell yourself to make others bigger. 🦋
The real therapy is everybody acknowledging and admitting the truth. Only then can one be forgiven and healing start to happen.
Dysfunction only begets dysfunction.
To the young ladies out here... get your life! Make your own coins. Secure that bag so you NEVER have to succumb to some sleeze bag that have financial power over you. When you don't have to ask for shit... guess what... you don't answer to bullshit. ✊🏽 Independence is true freedom. 🌈